Excerpts

• Forbidden Memories • Breaking the Cycle

FORBIDDEN MEMORIES

An excerpt from
Chapter 2, “In the Beginning”

I was now about five years old, and I tried to stay as close as possible to Mom because she was the most important thing to me. Whether it was out of a sense of responsibility, or love, I cherished her more than anything in life. I wanted Mom to love me and to think I was special. But also because I thought it was up to me to protect her from my abusive dad, because she couldn’t take care of herself. And, I was the only one of us three kids she had entrusted with her painful feelings and childhood memories.

Despite my perception of her as helpless, there were occasions when she took charge of her life. Like the time she decided to go to night school at the local junior college to study nursing. She had to learn to be something if she was ever to escape Dad and his physical abuse, and her childhood. I didn’t like the fact that she went to school in the evening because it left us kids alone with Dad. There was no way of telling if he was going to be in a good mood or not, or if he might thrash me for no apparent reason.

One evening, I knew Mom was going to be home late, so as I often did for security, I crawled into her side of the bed and fell asleep before she got home. In a dreamy state, I heard her voice, but continued drifting back to sleep until Dad picked me up and carried me to my own bed.

I must have drifted back off to sleep again before I was re-awakened by Mom crying and screaming, “Please stop hurting me!” I quietly sneaked around the corner to see what was wrong. I was stunned to see the bedroom in complete disarray with clothes thrown all over the room, lamps broken, and knick-knacks strewn all over the bed. I then looked up to see Mom standing wide-eyed, on the bed, as Dad threw dresser drawers at her. She was screaming and crying for him to stop, but he just kept on.

I stood there crying and in complete shock, with my heart aching for her. I ran recklessly into the room and begged Dad to stop hurting her. He turned and glared at me in an all-too-familiar fury, while Mom attempted to escape to the hall between our rooms. When he saw her trying to flee, he ran after her, grabbed her, and began punching her in the face. As he repeatedly bashed her, bright red blood ran out of the corner of her mouth. I stood there in disbelief as he yelled, “I'll kill you!” Then I saw the knife in his hand and the rage in his eyes.

I was crying and kept screaming, “Stop! Stop! Why are you doing this? Why?” For some reason, Dad found it necessary to turn around and face me to answer my question.

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BREAKING THE CYCLE

An excerpt from
Chapter 1, “Beginnings”

YOU MAY FEEL as if you are traveling down the road of recovery alone, with no one to guide or help you through this process. Even though you may feel this way, it isn’t entirely true. The person guiding you through your journey of healing in this book, as in this author, has already traveled down the path you are on and has successfully recovered.

In many ways my childhood experiences were like yours, and so many others who will read and work their way to recovery using this book as a map. For me, my recovery began in a therapist’s office. When I couldn’t obtain the healing I was looking for through traditional counseling, I started writing my life story. I began looking for a way to help the little girl who still lived inside of me to heal from the hurt and pain she was still carrying around. As I wrote about the things that had happened to me, I was able to feel them and embrace them. I was able to find a way to recover. As I saw the words on the pages before me that graphically depicted the abuse, neglect and trauma I sustained as a child, I realized how it impacted my life as an adult, and how I recovered. I knew I had to share this with other survivors so they, too, could find healing. I had to break the silence of childhood abuse, so I published my personal story in my first book entitled, Forbidden Memories: A Journey of Healing .

From there I was able to discover a better way of doing therapy and one that would help abuse survivors to resolve their past and to heal once and for all. What you hold in your hands is “that better way of doing therapy.” It is what I believe will help lead you down that road of recovery to healing and resolution.

The key to your recovery, as you work your way through this book, is to never quit or give up on yourself. There will be points in your recovery process where you will feel challenged and maybe even overwhelmed.