Synopsis
Forbidden Memories: A Journey of
Healing
By Sandra P. Riggin
Synopsis
Beginning in a sunny Jacksonville, Florida setting, Sandra
Riggin takes readers through a painful journey of emotional, physical,
and sexual abuse that is far from anything sunny. These destructive seeds
planted at an early age in the young Sandy reaped a harvest of addictions
and eating disorders that ravaged her life.
In her seemingly final hours on June 16, 1997, Sandy lay
on an emergency room gurney, virtually lifeless from a potentially lethal
overdose of 180 muscle relaxants. It was there that she found the courage
to live. In and out of consciousness, she decided it was time to put the
demons of her past to sleep. On the brink of death she held on to life,
reclaiming all that had been ripped away from her over the years.
The oldest of three siblings, Sandy struggled to protect
her family from an abusive father. She could never seem to shield herself
from the manipulation of a distant and emotionally crippled mother who,
behind closed doors loved to play the victim while outwardly faking the
role of the loving parent. Yet it was her mother’s love and affection
she craved most. She dreamed of the day when she would be worthy of receiving
it. It became her ultimate goal.
Running and hiding became the norm for Sandy and her brothers.
She recalls one terrifying night when they ran with nothing but the clothes
on their backs. Their mother then found an escape in having an affair
with one of her professors. Gene appeared to be the man who would offer
Sandy and her family a chance at stability, peace and happiness. But once
her mother said, “I do!” the kind, soft-spoken Gene unleashed
a monster none of them could have ever imagined. His once fatherly expressions
turned incestuous towards Sandy. She would suffer by his hands for many,
many years. As usual though, Sandy’s mother closed her eyes and looked
the other way, refusing to allow the obvious to jeopardize life with her
new husband. Because of this, Sandy ventured away from home, trying to
find someone who would love her without hurting her. However, this only
led to her being molested, almost to the point of death, by several other
people, including a neighbor and school teacher.
As the years went by, Sandy and her family would move from
place to place never affording her the opportunity to plant any solid
roots. She never felt as if she belonged anywhere. Alienated from even
herself, Sandy comes to the realization, “I lost me a long time ago!”
As a result, she went in search of herself in all the wrong places. Drugs
and alcohol became the anesthesia she would use to numb the pain, hoping
her living nightmare would be eradicated. Not wanting to reveal the sordid
family secrets, Sandy silenced her voice. Her desperation cried out in
her addictions and suicide attempts. One botched suicide attempt after
another landed her in a number of treatment centers. The healthcare professionals
she stood before continued to treat only the surface problems, not understanding
her deep-seated cries for help. Sandy spiraled down a black hole of self-destruction
that threatened to consume her.
Sandy’s family and the system failed her, labeling
her as a troublemaker on the fast track to nowhere. Her efforts to lead
a normal life were always overshadowed by her constant need for her mother’s
approval, and a need for life’s basic necessity, love.
Sandy had practically given up on love ever visiting her
doorway, when suddenly her prince charming appears on a shiny motorcycle.
Randy was the answer! With her arms wrapped tightly around his waist,
they rode off into the sunset. She believed it was possible he could whisk
her away from all of her troubles and hoped like hell it would be true.
However, her past was too unforgiving, thus their marriage never stood
a chance. Her sexual inhibitions derived from those dark, ugly secrets
wouldn’t let her go. Intimacy was non-existent. The weight of her
past was too much to communicate. The strain of everything caved in on
their rocky union. Unable to support Sandy in her condition, Randy lacked
the emotional and spiritual strength she needed in a spouse. Sandy could
not be to Randy what she wasn’t to herselfæa whole person.
The confusion and torment of yet another failed relationship filled Sandy
with fear and sent her in a direction she had never anticipated.
As Sandy continued to go through the torrential ups and
downs she still managed to maintain her education. She obtained a bachelors
degree in psychology and a masters degree in counseling. Despite all of
her professional accomplishments, the tortured Sandy could not free herself
of the demons that were fast on her heels. Her recovery from one addiction
only led her to other self-destructive patterns. She believed the only
way out of her living hell was to bring her turbulent life to an abrupt
halt. Sandy became obsessed with creative ways to take her own life. No
matter how many times she tried she would wake up to find herself still
alive. She begged God time and time again to let her go, but that was
not to be her destiny. All she suffered was not to be in vain, as it was
in the face of death she found a reason to live.
Convinced she wouldn’t survive another suicide attempt,
Sandy spent the next three and a half years with a therapist embarking
upon the beginning of her journey towards healing. This painful quest
for healing and resolution gave birth to a tremendous story that had to
be told! As a result, Sandy spent five years writing, Forbidden Memories:
A Journey of Healing, a chilling account of her torturous childhood
and how she let it nearly destroy her as an adult. Most importantly it
is the story of her recovery. She has outlined the insights she gained
along the way that became her stepping-stones to freedom and happiness.
Now she shares her story with the hope that other survivors of childhood
abuse will not have to suffer in silence as long as she did. Ultimately,
finding the power in her choices, Sandy exposes the secrets that are intended
to break not only the silence but also the cycle of abuse; to reveal the
true strength of a spirit unwilling to be broken!
Forbidden Memories: A Journey of Healing depicts
her determination and resilience. This page turner will keep readers on
their toes as they witness the transformation of a life and the grace
of God at work.
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